The Gates Family: November 2010

Our Kinley is now 6 months old. What a journey! I often feel that there is no way to describe the wide range of emotions, learning and growth that we have experienced throughout this process. But for Kinley's 6 month birthday...I would like to try.

There are many adjectives that I could use to describe the heart wrenching burden of infertility. Throughout our journey many emotions were present, but the one that consistently prevailed was an overwhelming sense of loss. Month after month, year after year, we experienced loss. You may be wondering how you could lose something that you never had, but the loss we experienced was not quite that tangible...it was the loss of a plan, the loss of a dream, and ever so slowly, the loss of hope.

I would love to tell you that we trusted God and leaned into His plan through it all. But that would be a lie. There were days I loved God, days I cursed His name, days I could not find the strength for words, and days I simply curled up in a ball and in between sobs, begged the Holy Spirit to intercede.

It took us several years to realize that God did not have us on a journey of pain. God is not the author of suffering. But He loves us enough to walk beside us through our pain to mold us, shape us, and teach us the lessons we need to learn so that we can do the work He has in store for us to do. God used 4 years of our suffering to prepare us for an amazing gift, an amazing new journey...

And so here we are. 6 months in to this lifelong process of learning and love. I feel more prepared for this task than I ever have for anything set before me. It's almost as if God had a plan all along. :-) We definitely do not have it all figured out, but literally every day is a new lesson, and a new blessing. Kinley has been the greatest gift we have ever received. The greatest mission that God has ever entrusted us with. She has taught us what it means to love unconditionally. She has given us a glimpse into the expansive love that God has for His children. She brings us so much joy, so much laughter, so much love.

And so for Thanksgiving, we would like to thank God for some very special gifts...He truly has blessed us beyond our wildest dreams and far beyond the depths of our imagination.

Lord, Thank you for the gift of Kinley. Thank you for choosing us to care for her, one of your precious children. Thank you for the joy that she brings us each and every day.

Thank you for Emery, and the amazing little miracle that she is. Every time I feel her stir inside of me, I am reminded of the awesomeness of your creation, and the full extent of your grace and love.

Thank you for both of our amazing families. For the love and support that they give us. For the guidance and encouragement that they constantly shower us with. For the gift of growing up in two amazing homes that helped prepare us for this awesome venture.

Lord, thank you for the past four years. In our darkest moments, you never left us. In times of greatest weakness, you were there. Thank you for the suffering that we were allowed to endure, so we could join you on the path to becoming the people you want us to be. Thank you for teaching us that our identity must be found in you and you alone. That no person or child or earthly creation will ever make us whole. Thank you, our Savior, for making us complete. Thank you for the healing that we have experienced. For restoring in us, a Godly hope. Thank you for lavishing so much love upon us, that we can be called children of God! For it is your love that enables us to be the parents that you want us to be. It is your love that makes us whole...that makes us able to love our children devotedly, whole-heartedly, and unconditionally.

Thank you.

-Maria