The Gates Family: July 2011

Dear Emery Bug,

I have two secrets to tell you. This first one is one of those secrets that many people said I had to make sure you never knew. They were worried about you and wanted to make sure this secret never made you sad. They all love you so much, and they just want you to be happy, just like your daddy does. I'm telling you this secret today because I think you need to know the amazing ways that you've made me forget all about it. I'm telling you this secret because I need you to know how sometimes in life you can want something to go a certain way and then it doesn't, only to find out that God had something even greater in store. I'm telling you this secret today because in this your fifth month of life, I have fallen hardcore in love with you. I'm telling you this secret because you are better and more wonderful then I ever dreamed our second baby could be. I'm telling you this secret because I love you and your sister more than I could ever love any other babies in the world. I'm telling you this secret Ems because you are better than I ever imagined you'd be. I'm telling you this secret to tell you that your God can be trusted...and His blessings are beyond description.

So, here's the first secret....before you were born I wished and hoped you were a boy.

Now, here is what I want you to understand, growing up as a little boy I was very close to my dad. Your Grandpa Butch is my daddy, and he was my best friend in the whole world. He was my coach and taught me so much. We did everything together...played sports, watched movies, went hiking, etc. In every way possible he became my hero and inspiration. He loved God like I wanted to love God. He was successful at work like I wanted to be successful. He was the best dad in the world. When I heard your mom had a baby growing in her belly, my dream was that it was a baby boy that I could raise to be like me and my dad. I thought nothing in the world could be better than raising a little boy. I thought I knew what could make me happiest. Boy was I wrong....

From the second I laid eyes on you it started the process of making me forget I ever thought I wanted a boy. Every single day that I get to spend as your dad I thank God that He gave me you, my Emery, and not a different baby. My heart aches deeply when I hold you and watch you smile, and it only aches because I love you SO much that it's almost painful. I hug you sometimes just to make sure you are real. I can't believe that your mom and I could create something so beautiful and special. You are God's perfect plan for our life. We waited for you for so long, and now that you're here all I can do is thank God that He waited until he did to bless us. I am so glad that all those times we prayed "God please give us a baby now" that He simply smiled and said "not yet" because He knew He had something greater in mind. I am so glad that all those times I said "God please give me a boy" He again smiled and thought "you think a boy would be great? Just wait till you meet Emery." I am so glad God knew....I am so glad He knew to give me you. So you see Emery, you have made that first secret completely irrelevant, and I want you to know how special you are to have done so.

So, now I'm ready to tell you my my second secret...you have your daddy in the palm of your hand.

I tell you this secret in hopes that you won't abuse this knowledge someday. I tell you this truth now in hopes that by breaking the news to you early you will somehow take it easy on me in the future. But after 5 months with you, I know it's true. I will do ANYTHING to make you happy. Here's why...

You have the most contagious smile...and you give it away so freely. It doesn't matter who it is. If anyone comes up to you to give you a big smile, you always willingly give it in return. You open your mouth wide, stick out your little tongue, squint your eyes, and lay on any passerby the cutest smile they've ever seen. It sucks people in, and they just want to be close to you. It warms them. I love that you smile so big and so often that your passi often drops out of your mouth because you are smiling too much to keep it there. When you smile for me I can't help but pull your face in close to mine. We rub noses, brush cheeks, and give kisses. I then pull you away from me and get you to smile again. I'm such a sucker for you that I often repeat this process 15-20 times. I think your smile is my favorite thing about you. Your mommy's favorite thing about you is that you are a Cuddle Bug (hence your name "Emery Bug"). You love to snuggle up close to mommy, to bury your face in her neck or fall asleep on her chest. This hasn't changed as you've gotten older. You love to be close to your mommy and daddy, and it makes us feel very loved. You are still particular about who holds you, often crying until you find your way back into our arms. We love that you need us so much. In particular, I love that I'm the one you prefer to rock you to sleep at night. I bounce you and rock you, and often I sing to you (typically "The Wheels on the Bus"....sorry if that song is getting old, your daddy doesn't know a million nursery songs like your mommy does). I love laying you down to sleep, satisfied in the role I played in getting you there, and then praying over your crib where I first thank God for giving me you then ask him to protect you and bless your life. I love praying for you. We also love your ever increasing beauty. Seriously, look at your pictures. You are a gorgeous girl. We love your long eyelashes. They compliment your big brown eyes that everyone says are your most beautiful feature. I love how much you drool, and how adorable you look when you share that big smile complete with a drip of drool. I love your fascination with your feet, and how you stare at them and try to eat them constantly. I love how you squeal like a raptor, and I love how we can have 10 minute conversations making dinosaur sounds at each other. I love your fascination with your big sister, and how much you love her already. I love how you make big eyes when you play with your mirror, or how you get so excited when you get to chew on your Sofie giraffe. I love how you learned to play with your toys so young. I love when I put you in your carseat and you give me the softest smirk and bat your eyes at me as I buckle you in. I love when I bounce your belly on the top of my head and it makes you giggle endlessly. I love when I slowly tilt you upside down how your mouth always opens wide and you close your eyes tightly in exactly the same way every time and then coo as I tilt you back upright. I love how you roll across the entire Living Room determined to get to something you want. I love how you already are trying to crawl and how you most likely will be doing it in a month or so. I love how you love to sit in mommy and daddy's laps and read books, and I love how your little hands try to grab the bright characters on the pages. I love how you are such a good baby, sweet in demeanor and generally patient to your surroundings. I love how this month you finally decided you like driving in the car and no longer scream for the first 20 minutes of every drive. I love how your mommy always says "I want Emery to stop growing" because she just loves her baby girl so much. Ems, I could go on all day. I love every detail about you. It seems that everyday you add something to the list of things I love. It's almost as if you and God want to rub it in just how wrong I was in thinking I knew what would make me most happy. You, baby girl, are better than I ever imagined you would be. God knew. God always knows.

So, there it is Emery Bug. After five months of life your daddy has already shared two big secrets with you. Again, I shared the first secret with you because I just needed you to know how even in my greatest dreams and most sincere wishes I was never able to dream of a baby as amazing as you. You are God's shining example that He always knows what is best for our life. Not ourselves. I told you the second secret because I needed you to know the effect you have on me. I needed you to know how everything you do makes me love you more, and in return, that power sets you up with a daddy you have in the palm of your hand. While some dad's wouldn't want their girls know that they want to give them the world....for some reason I just wanted you to know. Maybe it's because I trust you already. Maybe it's because I just love you so much. Or maybe its because when I look down at you sleeping softly in my arms, I see this precious gift that God entrusted me with. I think I just feel that the only way I can repay the trust God showed in me when he gave me you is by loving you as fiercely and passionately as I possibly can. I want to give you EVERYTHING baby girl...because you deserve nothing less.

So here's something that will never be a secret. I love you and I want EVERYONE to know it,

Daddy